i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
