nut hugger
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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