I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize