Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
