party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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