hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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