I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My vagina is officially offended.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
