Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
