If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
