Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
