and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
