Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
