Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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