sarcasm needs its own font
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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