I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize