apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize