Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
pray to the hookup gods
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
