ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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