why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize