It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
