My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
