Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
