Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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