Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
