we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
