Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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