...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
