dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
