Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
