I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
