Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize