sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
