when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
