You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
