You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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