My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
