Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
