Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
