i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
