another moral hangover. fuck.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
