have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
