ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
