I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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