your parents love me but you hate me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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