I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
