I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
