this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
