It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
