u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
