dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Randomize