I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
