I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
