Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
