You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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