I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
