they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize