HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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