she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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