Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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