come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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