take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
