We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
