My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
